- Entry 23/8/19
- Enrolled and got my place at college today, then went thrift shopping and donated a big pile of stuff with mother.
Drew random stuff while listening to old episodes of my favourite podcast for the rest of the day.
- Entry 22/8/19
- Got my GCSE results:
English Language: 6
English Literature: 8
Science: 7-7 (you get 2 GCSEs out of science)
Overall I'm pretty happy, it's way more than enough to get into my college and take the subjects I want. My drama teacher was setting me up to fail, and the art teachers fck everyone over almost every year so I wasn't expecting much (they didn't even show up on results day, which was kind of hilarious). Still passed them, though. I'm so glad to be out of that extremely uncomfortable shthole of a school, where every single staff member somehow knew really sensitive, personal information about me... Except shoutout to the English teachers that were trying to stop that bullsht, and actually helped me get good grades.
- Entry 21/8/19
- Went on a mini adventure today - found a really nice park and took edgy pictures at the train station, but never used them.
- Entry 19/8/19
- Wandered around my city alone - an activity that gives me one of my favourite feelings.
Dyed my hair a very dark brown colour and it's probably my favourite colour I've ever had, which is a good thing since it's permanent. It kinda had to be, otherwise it'd fade to a gross greeny-browny colour.
I'll be helping my friend Anna with music and producing for her for a while, which I'm excited about.
- Entry 18/8/19
- Salvaged an old My Little Pony from my childhood that I dumped paint all over, she almost looks good as new.
Worked out how to make authentic 80s-style music while messing around in FL.
- Entry 16/8/19
- My Gothic&Lolita Bible issue from 2003 came in (vol. 10), it's stunning. Some iconic images in there, and really nice ones that I've never seen before. There's even a Makoto Takahashi (one of my favourite artists) poster inside that hasn't even been taken out. I am fighting a huge urge to take it out.
Made a sick page for my friend Connor >:)
- Entry 15/8/19
- dropped off a dress i sold to a friend at her house, then went shopping to get my brother a gift for passing his A-levels. window shopped at IKEA. i love IKEA for reasons i have no idea of.
i'm convinced that my little pony i bought is sentient. i can sense feelings coming from her. every time i see her, i don't feel relaxed & think 'oh cute toy' anymore. i feel like i'm not alone in my room, and i need to look after her. it's strange how childish she is - she can't take care of herself at all, which is odd since she's 35 years old. i guess her original owners didn't realise she had a soul.
if you ignore the fact that i am clearly going insane, you'll notice i added a WHOLE NEW SECTION on the website baby!!!!!! it hosts my graphic art and my MIDI transcriptions, so check it out if you want to - it's on the navbar at the top of the page.
- Entry 14/8/19
- i've had so much sht thrown at me during my lifetime - even with my life practically just getting started, that i just don't feel anything anymore. absolutely nothing surprises me. everything i experience now, no matter how horrid, gets no reaction out of me. it's so frustrating, and i want to get those frustrations out, but i'm fully desensitised so i'm hesitant to vent to people, since i don't know if something i say could really upset them. so i'm just stuck in this paradox of being constantly frustrated because i want to feel again, yet also perpetually stripped of all feeling. that's why it's been so hard for me to write music - i have no emotions to translate into art. when you are the void, what do you scream into?
anyways i went out a couple days ago and got this crazy old bridal(?) dress from a charity shop, and an old my little pony (posey, if you were wondering) came in the post. i'm obsessed, i've been taking her everywhere i go in the house. she's the most aesthetically perfect thing i own.
tonight, i went aldi with the gang (my dad).
to close off this entry: vietnamese food bangs, i love capitalism, and i HATE all forms of nihilism.
- Entry 8/8/19
- Put together a coat rack which is currently in the corner of my room. Helped my brother out with Photoshop, then went Co-op with the gang (my dad).
- Entry 5/8/19
- Went for a drive with my mum, found a massive charity shop. I got some stuff, including a very strange PC CD-ROM that was on top of a music CD shelf and very out of view and reach. It sparked my curiosity (and fight-or-flight response) so much that I spent 20p on it. I'll probably need DOSbox or something to run it, I'll report back if it was interesting. It's called Strawberry Magic, if you wanted to know.
- Entry 1/8/19
- I'm happy to say I actually recorded a decent video today. I recorded with Joey (shoutout Requiem Inc again). It's a watchalong-type thing for this ridiculous BBC documentary about incels. It should be finished and uploaded in a couple of days, so hopefully you'll all enjoy it before it inevitably gets taken down for copyright infringement.
- Entry 31/7/19
- It's already the end of the month. I made sure I had no holidays or events planned so I had all the time in the world to create, but I've barely started. I've planned an EP, but I'm like 3% done with one song... I start college in September, so I need to push myself to the limit in August.
Adding a big part in my about section, keep checking back there...
- Entry 28/7/19
- A BAT flew in my room last night. Probably the weirdest thing that's happened all year, it's a first in this house. It was flying up and down incredibly fast, in the same pattern each time. I opened the window wide, closed the door, and slept in the spare room. It must have found its way out last night, but my nerves are high today. If I somehow contracted rabies, I love you all. At least it didn't sht anywhere.
This is beautiful.
Watched my friends play The Sims 4 badly, and found my old Origin account with The Sims 4 on it. I'm about to spend a lot of time.
- Entry 27/7/19
- You might have noticed the gap in dates. A daily journal would be the most boring piece of text to ever read, since it's rare anything noteworthy happens to me on a daily basis. I spend the majority of most days sat at my computer complaining about the summer heat, so I don't want things to get repetitive for anyone that bothers to read.
I just started work with Siobhan on a short film for a film festival happening privately, organised by my group of friends. It only has to be 2-5 minutes long, so we have enough time to make it decent. The deadline is in 22 days, so I'm excited about this excuse for extreme productivity. It takes my depressed and lazy brain a lot of convincing, so this is the perfect opportunity to force myself to do something with my life.
- Entry 24/7/19
- Not much to say. I didn't get to sleep until 6am because of the loudest thunderstorm I've ever heard, so I woke up really late. I was meant to go into town, but there wasn't much point. Apparently when I showered, one of the lights downstairs started leaking, so that was scary.
I made this. I'm quite proud of it.
Someone seriously needs to stop me from ordering sht off of Bodyline.
- Entry 23/7/19
- More garden work. It's so fcking hot.
Today, I found out I'm boss at singing Dead Mom from Beetlejuice: The Musical. Lydia is probably my #1 dream role now...
Someone PLEASE play MovieStarPlanet with me. I'm only half-joking.
Messed around in my DAW for about an hour and came out with this and this. They'll probably end up being added to the long, long list of sht I never came close to finishing.
Just as the day was drawing to a close, my Twitter got reinstated!! I'm keeping the new one I made, though. I'd prefer my follower count to be more accurate, since about 20 of the 300 followers on my old account were active anyway.
- Entry 22/7/19
- Finally washed my fcking massive pile of laundry, like a mature person... then broke a full glass of water.
I was momentarily inspired to make some lofi synthwave-type music, but gave up after 10 minutes, only making a chord progression. This is how it usually goes, and is why I haven't made any proper thing in over a year. ADHD and depression is not a good combo.
I'm reading So Pretty/Very Rotten by Jane Mai and An Nguyen - I'm a bit late to the party, but I rate it. It's a well-done and incredibly informative representation of EGL, with cute, eerie and sometimes wholesome comics. It's cool to see this stuff physically printed in *real life words*.
I was rudely interrupted from "very important" HTML work by my family to help in the garden. I'm glad I did, though - I got some fresh air and exercise.
- Entry 21/7/19
- Yesterday my Twitter got deleted, and the day before I got dumped. Today I'm polishing this website I made yesterday, and I feel very good about myself?!
My grandfather came over for dinner. He likes my green hair.
At night, I took some photos that I'm quite proud of. I also talked to Joey (shoutout Requiem Inc.) about making politically-incorrect-electro-punk; think Tight-era MSI... I have a mighty need to create.
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